![]() If you don't feel like you can come up with a convincing lie, try a half-truth, like "Just thinking about how hot you are." When your partner is sexting you, it's okay to lie about what you're up to. While I commend this person for their honesty, it's maybe a good idea to stretch the truth a little bit more when you're trying to sound sexy. What do you do when your partner is getting hot and heavy over text, and you're just trying to eat a snack? This is either a horny sext or the start of a very serious conversation-but which one is it? You'll never know. Honestly, why do we even call our romantic partners "baby" in the first place? If the word "baby" were reserved for infants only, our language would be so much more efficient. And just like the Atlantic, countless brave explorers have died trying to cross it. The difference between the text "I want to, baby," and "I want a baby" is a gulf the size of the Atlantic. Not everything you learned in ninth grade English was totally useless, after all. Who hasn't thought about licking whipped cream or chocolate syrup off their lover's naked body?īut seriously, offering to eat someone out and offering to eat someone are two VASTLY different fetishes. In this person's defense, bringing ingredients from the kitchen to the bedroom is a common enough curiosity. The sudden flaccidity might be a defensive maneuver on the penis's part. It's better to give up on one sexting session than to be known by all of this girl's friends as "the one who wanted to roleplay as Shrek." If your partner responds with anything less than enthusiasm, apologize for being in the wrong, because you are. Far be it from me to tell anyone else what's hot and what's not.īut may I posit that a Shrek fetish is not something you want to spring on your partner? Especially not through text message.Īnd if you do decide to surprise your partner with something a little off the beaten path, then for God's sakes, read the room. Points for the green text person, though, for setting clear boundaries and shutting down this conversation that needed to be shut down before things got any weirder Tentacles are like barbecue sauce-if you're bringing it into the bedroom, you damn well better know what you're doing.Īnd this text is the equivalent of a white suburban dad pouring Kraft BBQ sauce over his Costco hamburger patties and calling it his "secret recipe." Picture the place where religious kink, shame kink, and an overall lack of knowledge about proper anatomical terminology intersect.ĭon't want to imagine that? That's fine. Based on the sheer number of people I've seen swooning over Khal Drogo or Dean Winchester, you can do far worse than getting your girl thinking about a fictional character.īut people who are turned on by Ned Flanders from the Simpsons are a narrow, niche market. ![]() Including pop culture references in your sexting can be great fun. This sext starts out with all the right stuff: a teasing tone, fun emoticons, and the anticipation of a rendezvous to come.īut like every sequel to The Matrix, a great premise takes a turn for the worse, and its creators quickly lose control. It's a risky gambit, but it's guaranteed to get a laugh, even if you have to explain the joke. ![]() ![]() But you've got to count on your partner being able to recognize some historical Dicks at a glance. (In case you still don't get the joke, those photos are Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon, Andy Dick, and Philip K. It's a trick as old as time, but it still works like a charm. If the risk of a risqué message doesn't pay off, put asterisks around an innocent alternative and claim Autocorrect was responsible for the "mistake." Imagine what the history books will say: the first World War started with the assassination of an archduke, the second with the invasion of Poland, and the third with a president using technology to help him spell.īut when it comes to sexting, you've got even more on the line than the leaders of the free world: your chances at getting laid.įortunately, Autocorrect can also help you out. It's only a matter of time before an international incident breaks out over a poorly Autocorrected tweet. We've all had Autocorrect "help" us at the most inopportune time. We've got the funniest, weirdest, and most off-the-wall sexting conversations of 2019 to show you that, by comparison, you probably aren't that bad at sexting after all. Sometimes fun, sometimes awkward, always good for a laugh. ![]()
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